The 4 laws of detachment for emotional release

 EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING:

The 4 laws of detachment for emotional release

**By psychologist Valeria Sabater

Within the focus of personal growth and spirituality, the term detachment is key to achieving happiness. It means being able to overcome the barriers of our comfort zone to stop needing, depending, living in fear of losing dimensions to which we cling excessively. Because only when we are able to overcome the ego will we finally stop suffering.

Let us try for a moment to explain what happiness is for us. There are those who would say that happy is someone who has great assets, a good partner, a comfortable checking account.

All this undoubtedly covers many of our most basic needs. However, do these dimensions offer an authentic sense of well-being? In reality, the most accurate definition of what happiness is could not be simpler: happiness is the absence of fear, it is not knowing what anxiety is and what it tastes like. 

It basically means knowing how to love, appreciate and get involved in things from a more balanced and healthy point of view, freeing us in turn from those excesses that put us in chains and tie us up. That cut our wings.

Practicing detachment is therefore the first step in reaching that state.

It is allowing ourselves to be freer, lighter, less attached to what we have or what we lack. It is living from the heart without having to compulsively need anything or anyone. At the same time, it also means power and knowing how to give to others with authenticity and without pressure.

The emotional release generated by detachment offers us the option to live more honestly. It is then when the option to grow arises before us, to advance knowingly. Without harming anyone, without anyone putting their fence around us camouflaged with the chains of passionate, filial or even maternal love.

Let's learn, then, to put into practice these simple laws about detachment...

First law of detachment: you are responsible for yourself

The first law of detachment invokes a basic principle of personal growth: responsibility.

Let's think about it: nobody is going to remove for us every stone that we find along the way. Just as no one is going to breathe for us or volunteer to carry our sorrows or pains.

Each one of us is the architect of our own existence. And something like that implies courage. It means that we must detach ourselves from the opinions of others, from the need to be validated, to wait for the approval of others to move forward with our decisions, dreams or projects.

We are free people, ready to create the destiny that we see fit. 

So, being fully aware of that right to be builders of your own destiny, keep these dimensions in mind:

- Do not put your own happiness in the pocket of others.

- Do not conceive the idea that to be happy in this life, it is essential to find a partner who loves you, or always have the recognition of your family. Solitude is sometimes the best company to favor our self-realization.

If the barometer of your satisfaction and happiness is in what others give you, you will only get suffering. The reason? Rarely will they manage to cover all your needs.

- Cultivate your own happiness, feel responsible, mature, be aware of your decisions and their consequences, choose for yourself and never let your well-being depend on the opinions or advice of others.

Second law of detachment: live in the present, accept, assume reality

In this life, nothing is eternal, nothing remains, everything flows and resumes its path weaving that natural order that it is so difficult for us to assume sometimes.

People are almost always focused on everything that happened in the past and that, in some way, now becomes a heavy burden that alters our present.

Often, we are so "attached" to all those events that happened in yesterday that we forget the most important: to live.

We put all our attention on those family disagreements, on the trauma that surrounds us and conditions us, on that loss, on that sentimental failure or that frustration that has not been overcome... All of these are anchors that cling to us, that put chains on our feet and hooks on our feet. our soul. 

Detachment is also joining strengths to look at the present and allow us to heal wounds. We must favor acceptance, assume realities and not resist certain evidence.

Furthermore, sometimes we have no choice but to forgive and even forgive ourselves. Only then will we feel more liberated, ready to appreciate with all our senses the "here and now", this present where you have your real opportunity.  

Third law of detachment: promote your freedom and allow others to be free too

Detachment is not cutting ties or establishing ties marked by emotional coldness.

Quite the contrary. It is that we are facing a dimension where we learn to iron out fears in order to love in a more authentic and respectful way. It is knowing how to give and allow ourselves to receive without pressure, without blind needs, without anxieties or with the eternal fear of being abandoned. It is preferring without needing the other.

It assumes that freedom is the fullest, most complete and healthy way to enjoy life, to understand it in all its immensity.

Likewise, another aspect that we must remember about detachment is that we are not obliged to be responsible for the lives of others.

Thus, there is no shortage of those who, for example, yearn to find a partner to flee from loneliness or even to heal old wounds from yesterday. Let's be clear that none of us has the obligation to go as a hero. To rescue others to heal their loneliness or fractures caused by old relationships. These types of bonds only generate suffering.

Intense attachments are never healthy, let's think for example of those obsessive parents who go too far in protecting their children and prevent them from being able to mature, from being able to move forward safely to explore the world.

The need to "detach" is vital in these cases, where each one must go beyond the limits of certainty to learn from the unforeseen, from the unknown.

Fourth law of detachment: assume that losses will happen sooner or later

In every Buddhist and spiritual way of living the idea of ​​impermanence is present.

We speak of that dimension where we are forced to understand "yes or yes" that in this life nothing lasts, that nothing can be contained forever. Relationships and even material things change, mature, and often end up fading. Let us therefore assume the idea of ​​change, absence and even loss as a vital law to which we cannot close our eyes.

Some people will leave forever, children will grow up, some friends will cease to be friends and some loves will leave the warmth of our hand...

However, much more will come. Because life is change, but also movement and all of this is part of detachment. And as such, we must learn to accept it in order to face it with greater integrity. With greater force. However, what will never change is your ability to love: always start with yourself.

To conclude, if you want to start practicing the four laws of detachment, start by identifying the emotions and feelings generated by the objects of attachment (which can be a person, a situation or a belonging); then ask yourself what purpose they serve in your life and always keep it in mind. Then, be thankful for what he did for you and let him go.

**Credit:

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